You’re fat

You’re ugly

You’re useless

You have no motivation

What is wrong with you?

Can you imagine looking at your best friend and saying these hateful things?

Of course not.

Or at least I hope not.

But there are those who say these things, and often worse, to themselves on a daily basis.

I’m here to tell you right now, if you don’t know how to become your own best friend, you had better figure out how to do so! The following words may help you to start.

Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.

For some reason, our culture has turned up the volume on negative self talk to a level of incredible decibel. Therefore, it is time to rewrite and rework the age old golden rule. The simple fact is, if you can’t be nice to yourself, then how on earth are you going to be nice to someone else? It’s a lot like trying to give money out of your empty pocket to someone in need. There isn’t a balance in there to draw on.

Let’s change that up.


1. First, start to become aware when your mean-girl, little brat inner voice starts to bully you.

It takes work to recognize exactly what is going on in your head in order to start to make changes. We speak so unkindly to ourselves so often and we aren’t even in shock when we do it! We say things to ourselves we wouldn’t dream of saying to another. Our jaws would drop to hear someone else being spoken to in the same way.

When you hear that negative voice speak to you don’t just let it ramble on. Recognize it for what it is.

You can’t do that…

You don’t have the guts…

You are so fat….

Who do you think you are….

I don’t know the exact dialogue your voice speaks to you, but chances are it is something like the above.

Become aware. That is step one.


2. Counteract the conversation.

Commit to speaking to yourself like you would to your best friend. Challenging those negative inner words with some positive prose can be just the thing you need to halt the hate.

Wow…that dress looks great on you.

*Fist pump…..You rocked that workout

Look at you stepping out of your comfort zone.

I often have my clients do the I Love You Challenge. The feedback from that is that is an awkward thing to do at first, but it grows into a practice that has compounding interest in your confidence bank.

Look at yourself in the mirror, in your eyes and tell yourself, your best friend self, how much you love you.

I love you.

Small practice, profound results.


3. Deep breathing and a mindfulness practice. There is something to be said for slowing down to breath and using mindfulness to get into touch with who you are.

In our crazy fast paced world, we take very little time for self care. Use your most natural habit, breathing, to your advantage.

Slowing down and taking a deep breath before throwing off the covers.

Slowing down and taking a deep breath before a meal.

Take the time to close your eyes. Inhale 3 deep breaths. While slowly exhaling, mentally recite the words I AM. I promise you this will calm your central nervous system, relax your stressed out mind and body. Most importantly, it has the superhero power ability to interrupt the harsh words of that inner voice.

By learning to create your own mindfulness practice you will become aware of exactly what is going on in your head. Mindfulness is like shining a light on your inner thoughts. That will spot light your inner mean girl and she won’t be able to hide in that bright light. Mindfulness also helps to build awareness in all areas of your life. Who doesn’t want to become more aware of who they are, what they need and want and what they are doing throughout this life?

Become your own best friend. When you learn to do so, not only will you treat you better, but the golden rule will become amplified. Others will see that you value and love you. They will in turn value you even more and treat you with the same care you are treating yourself!

The above are just three options for silencing your inner mean voice. I’d love to hear from you what you do to hush her up!!! Do you have other ways of silencing that voice? What do you do?